


Follow You Into the Dark

by ritsuko



Category: Star Trek: Alternate Original Series (Movies)
Genre: Angst, Deathfic, Falling In Love, Friendship/Love, M/M, Older Man/Younger Man, Soul Bond, T'hy'la
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2013-06-15
Updated: 2013-06-15
Packaged: 2017-12-15 01:19:59
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings, Major Character Death
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,755
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/843650
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/ritsuko/pseuds/ritsuko
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Jim's t'hy'la is dying. Their last moments are shared with memories of love, but it's only a matter of time.</p>
            </blockquote>





	Follow You Into the Dark

He fixes Spock's hand over his meld points, and the old Vulcan, though tired, complies. Flashes of the last ten years of their lives come to him, warm and loving, passionate and frantic that the human is losing him.

_Please, please don't go, I can't lose you, I can't. ._

Spock wraps around his brain, caressing and comforting him the best that he can, but it's a struggle.

_I am sorry, t'hy'la. So sorry. . . so tired. . ._

He knows that Jim can feel him slipping further into the dark, pained by how his death is hurting him. Jim, his Jim has seen him die before, but even then there was not the comfort of a meld to ease the pain. Maybe that was for the best. The emotions running through the blonde are so strong, so terrified for life without Spock that irrational thoughts enter the captains mind.

_I can't live without you, we've shared so much. . ._

He can see so many moments in Kirk's mind, beautiful and vivid and longing. 

~*~

Late night chess matches via comm, victories and losses spread evenly between the two. The captain's flirtatious moves couples with the soft smiles and surety of the Vulcan's age. A brief placement of the index and middle fingers against the comm screen, a Vulcan Kiss goodnight mirrored by the man on the other end, light years away.

~*~

The first trip after the five year mission, the curiosity of his crew members on why Jim would want to spend his two weeks of shore leave on New Vulcan rather than the pleasure planet of Risa. The captain shows off, and his body has grown more defined in five years than before, stronger and more muscular, much like the Kirk of his own time. The blonde preens in front of the older man at the side of the lake they have decided to sunbathe by. Jim's sky blue swim trunks setting off the unnervingly rich color of his eyes. Spock teases that they are not command gold, and Jim glibly replies that he wanted to be in the Vulcan's color. Their fingers brush, tantalizing, but not here, somewhere where prying eyes can't see. . .

~*~

Kirk is tentative, as if he will break the older man. Spock, taking it slow but still needy, afraid he will go too fast and hurt the younger. They meld. They laugh. They cry tears of joy. They join.

Spock strokes at their bond, wondering that Kirk could want an old man like him. Jim just smiles and pushes all his love into a thought, a word learned through this meld.

 _K'hat'n'dlawa_. . . They come together.

~*~

Surprise when the captain informs the crew that Ambassador Spock will be joining them on their next mission, Especially the furrowed gaze of his first in command. Jim doesn't care. For the first time in his life, he feels fulfilled, secure, at home. All in the arms of an older man. A man he has already shared a lifetime of love with in a distant universe. They spend nearly every minute they can with each other, at chess, at rec, in the bedroom. People start to talk. When was the last time Kirk was seen flirting with a girl? No one knows.

Save for the commander.

~*~

The Pon Farr. Brutal and savage, terrifying and so inexplicably fulfilling. The older man unsatiated from years of meditation and the barest of control throughout the time without his Jim is nearly animal when they couple. The captain takes all of the love though, soothing hands down the Vulcan's back, calming kisses on every inch of the man. But he loves just as hard, meeting each inhuman thrust with enhanced lust of his own. The meld this time is more jumbled, more confused, save for the same words in the elder's mind over and over.

 _Mate_. And _Mine_.

Giving and taking for three days until their symbiotic coupling has quelled the base urges, and Spock tremulously melds with the younger man, fearful of rage or disgust. The only feelings he extracts are nothing short of whole hearted love and devotion. Kirk kisses along his ear and replicates them breakfast.

~*~

The love bites and swollen lips are impossible to hide from the crew, but Kirk wears each one like a badge of honor, daring anyone to say anything about his ashayam. No one does. Kirk finally seems balanced, and most are thankful.

Save for one younger Vulcan with hurt buried in his mahogany eyes.

~*~

Their first fight is as shocking as it is illogical, Jim having carelessly been captured by the denizens of a newly discovered planetoid. They had tortured him, lashing him with electric whips and throwing stones at the outsider until he had a concussion and lacerations everywhere. Spock melds with him, healing, soothing, but Kirk can feel the anger, the disconcertion in the older man that he went off alone without the landing party. That they almost lost him. That he could have died. The blonde counters with stupid things that Spock has done in his memories with the other Kirk, things that might have seemed were logical but tortured the captain. He demands it's a part of his job, and Spock holds vigilant, tears threatening to spill. Kirk sighs and traces the ozh'esta over the other man's fingers, letting the Vulcan place his fingers, gently shaking, on his face. The worry, the sadness pours off of him and Kirk starts to cry under the emotion as well. Soon they are both weeping freely, mouths seeking each other in apology. They forgive. They embrace each other in every way possible, each others pillar to cling to in a storm.

~*~

Jim's Vulcan is terrible, but he manages the bondmate ceremony with few slip ups. The marriage is a small affair, only the closest of his friends in attendance. Bones and Carol, Uhura and Scotty, Sulu and Chekov. The younger Spock stands several yards away from the rest of them awkwardly, but Kirk pays him no mind. This is a celebration of the love he shares with his older Spock. Nothing can tear him from his happiness.

Though he does notice the tremble in the older man's fingers as they link with his. Spock's face is older now, as is his own, but where it is full of light and happiness, it is also weary.

~*~

Cleaning up after his lover when moving becomes harder. Covering him with extra blankets, kisses. Feeding him his favorite foods. Spock tells him he is spoiling him, but as the captain sees how hard it is becoming for the older man to raise a PADD, he shushes him and reads to him, snuggling into his side, young fingers laced around aged ones.

~*~

 _I can't I can't lose you, Spock, I love you too fucking much!_ The captain babbles through the mind meld, feeling the once vibrant spark of Spock's mind starting to fade into embers. 

_Jim, I am so sorry. I love you. So much. So very much. I am so sorry I am not stronger, not younger._ His hand is so weak, Jim has to hold it to his face in the correct spots.

Kirk gasps, tears streaming down his face. _It's not your fault, love, it's not. But I can't. . . how can I live without you?_ The despair that rolls off the younger man is heartbreaking, so full of love and loss. He knows. It's only a matter of time, and he is not ready. He will never be ready for this. Desperately, he tries to add the fire of his essence to Spock's, but the embers barely stay aglow.

 _I have been selfish these past ten years. Keeping you to myself._ He sighs, regretful, but still not sorry for the time he has shared with his young love.

Jim shakes his head. _What are you talking about? You're the man that I love!_

 _The bond that we share should be your bond with your Spock._ The older man kindly intones, and Jim feels a slight bit of irritation that is overridden by grief.

 _You are my Spock!_ He adamantly expresses, feelings of love caressing the old man's body, easing his pains.

 _And I have loved you for every second that we have been together. But when I am gone, please, find it in your heart to love again_ He can feel the strength ebbing, light flickering tremulously.

 _Don't talk like that. No one could ever, EVER replace you!_ He wraps his presence around Spock, like cupping his hands around a flame, trying to shield it from the wind.

_Someone will. The one you are truly meant to be with. You have given me so much, t'hy'la, and for that I can never thank you enough. I love you._

Kirk lets out a shuddering gasp, tears streaking his cheeks as we watches the light start to fade from his loves eyes. _I love you, I love you so much. . . please don't leave. . . I can't live without you. . ._ His mental voice sounds broken, and Spock weakly brushes his soul to his, full of love and comfort.

_I love you, k'hat'n'dlawa. Please. . . live long. . . and. . ._

The flame is snuffed out, mental bond broken. Kirk feels the hand under his own go slack, and searches that face, blue eyes frantic.

 _Nononononononononononononononooooooooooo!_ But there is no bond left, none of his bondmate still in this realm.

The keening cry can be heard throughout the entire floor. Jim is broken, sobbing and holding the body of his love, his Spock, for dear life, but his pillar has crumbled under the weight of the storm. He is truly alone.

He can hear footsteps. Arms gripping at him, trying to pull him away, and he just tucks himself more into the chest of his love, sobbing uncontrollably. The bond they shared, a constant for the last ten years, snuffed out in a matter of seconds. There is nothing anymore. 

Until a familiar set of hands, much younger but the same, gently pull him from the fading warmth of his t'hy'la. Clasps him close into his arms and pets his hair down as the captain sobs, completely wrecked. Commander Spock is the same as his love, and yet not. He stares up into those deep brown eyes through his own tear filled blues, and can sense the sadness emanating off of the Vulcan.

But it's not the same, nothing is the same. Kirk feels his heart break as Bones pulls a white sheet over the face of the other half of his heart and soul.

**Author's Note:**

> As with everything usually, I have ideas for a continuation of this. If you guys want more, lemme know. :D
> 
> BTW sorry for the sads. ;~;
> 
> Might have listened to this song a LOT during the writing of this.
> 
> http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=LfNVfiqKBeM  
> Death Cab for Cutie- I Will Follow You Into the Dark


End file.
